Walking Conventions

I'm really fucking fed up with all these people who don't seem to know how to walk in public, so I've decided to outline a few basic rules of crowd walking etiquette.

1) When walking in a hall, on a sidewalk, or generally anywhere in public when there are two opposite directions of traffic, WALK ON THE FUCKING RIGHT SIDE, NOT THE LEFT! This would eliminate so much confusion and these awkward dodge movements when you realize you're headed straight towards a 300 lb burly goat who is definitely not moving out of the way. We don't live in fucking Britain, so follow the right-side rule. Walking is like driving, why cause confusion for nothing.

2) When walking down a hall and you encounter a corner, you should only hug the corner if it's a right-side turn, and you're therefore walking on the right. I don't know how many fucking times I've turned a corner and some genius is walking on the wrong side and I end up bumping face-first into some lady with a mole the size of my ass on her forehead.

3) If you're walking and talking with a friend or group of friends, have the courtesy to NOT block the whole goddamn sidewalk when you're walking. I don't have to dodge you just because you think you own the place, and I'm not walking off the sidewalk. Therefore, from now on, I will be ramming straight into your gut if you do this.

4) There are some people who are in a hurry, or have a purpose in life, and choose to walk faster than those who don't. If you're walking slowly (and it's not fucking hard to notice...), don't walk dead center in the middle of the sidewalk. Even worse, don't walk in oblique lines all over the place, shifting from right to left. If I'm walking faster than you, I don't want to have to try and figure out what your next move is going to be, I just want to walk by. If this is a problem, I will be jabbing my elbow in your back and push you aside as I walk by.

Thanks for listening. Walk safe.

Cookie face-off!

Alright, here's the deal. I'm a huge fan of cookies. Everytime I've travelled, I've always thought it very important to try out as many cookies as possible wherever I am. So far, my favorite cookie is in Florida.

Anyways, here's the issue: I despise dry cookies, and love soft ones.

Problems with dry:
- Breaks into ashes
- If you have a cold, need to breath, it gets in your throat.
- If you need to sneeze, it goes all over the place in crums!
- If you need to caugh, it might just fly all over the place too.
- They have to be bitesize, because any bigger will get crums around when you bite down into it.

Soft cookies have a sweeter taste, bites easier, almost melts in the mouth. Amazing, I love soft cookies, the bigger the better too!

Quebec's Conservatism

This is a thought that I've only began to materialize in the past week or so, and I don't think it's quite complete, but bear with me as I hash this idea out. I hope to elaborate on it further in the near future.

Quebec, ultimately, is a very conservative, close-minded culture. I believe that it now rests far from the radical changes that it brought upon itself during the Quiet Revolution. Allow me to explain. When I look at Quebec as a culture, there is a great deal of unity, but at the same time, there is a lot of resistance to change. Quebekers take great pride for what they have, and refuse to believe that they may not live in paradise. There is also a pride in the way of doing things, and the mentality that it has to be done in the traditional, Québécois way. There is constant debate over the manner in which to accomplish tasks, and how to proceed with them, but at the same time, it appears that it is still the Québécois way.

There is very little pride in the beauty of Quebec cities, and whatever pride is there rests on traditions and established institutions. In this regard, the status quo is preferable. A perfect example of this is the architecture in Quebec. Generally speaking, a very simplistic type of architecture is favored. Concepts of landscape integration are virtually inexistant. Conformity is the most important value, and it's seen in house design. Depending on the era, certainly houses that were built during the Quiet Revolution and the years after, appear to be overly simplistic, uninspiring, and cheaply built. In order to save costs, too, it appears some genius invented two basic home models and sold them off. You have the rectangle, complete with basement-level garage, and the infamous "mushroom" house, which was probably the more luxurious of the two. These, of course, probably came in a few different colors, so your mushroom could look a bit different from all the other ones around you. In the best-planned neighborhoods, mushrooms and rectangles would be alternated in order to be more pleasing.

After finally watching the entire "Québec Laid" report, it materialized alot of problems that I had thought about design and architecture in Quebec (or the lack thereof). What struck me the most was the disgusting state of our commercial boulevards (which I had noted in Laval and the South Shore, and everywhere else, while exploring). Most important of all, there was a movement for change in many of the illustrated cases, yet the resistance was always far stronger. "We can't reorganize, this is how things are. Deal with it!" or "It's part of who we are." seem like appropriate standard responses in many of these cases. Our society is falling apart, but it doesn't matter because it's ours, and we'll deal with it.

Quebec may be a complete shithole in many ways, but it's the people's shithole. They and their ancestors have worked hard for it, and they believe this is their place in the world. There are no other alternatives. There's nowhere else to go.

The Indoctrination of Business

Out of all the subject matters and courses I've taken through the years, there is only one field that consistently and rigourously tries to indoctrinate their students into conforming, believing in, and obeying a system of beliefs. I am, of course, talking about the wonderful world of business. It simply baffles me that business teachers can be so completely impartial and close-minded when it comes to criticism and change in their field.

I'm a political science major, and of all things, you'd figure that polysci teachers would be the worst of all in terms of representing their viewpoints as the correct ones. In practice, however, I have found that most teachers in this field have a very high moral view of the field of political study and have come to understand that opposite viewpoints are not only valid (for the most part), but necessary for the survival and proper functionning of the political realm. In the political science courses I'm currently taking, and ones I've previously taken, it amazes me how teachers respect a very specific unbiased approach in their teachings, and take it seriously. It is rare that these teachers will voice their opinions on specific topics, but will rather tell you what questions you might want to think about in coming to an answer and where you can look. Opposite viewpoints critical of each other are discussed in great detail as well as their influence. This is seen as a key aspect of the field, and this is what makes a good teacher. One who will give you the tools to come to your own conclusions in terms of matters of opinion, not tell you why he/she is right.

Business, however, is the complete opposite. There is to be no discussion of anti-business theories. Globalization is necessarily a good thing for everyone, and everyone should agree. What's good for business is always good for you. Any discussion of theories opposing business are simply included in lectures and textbooks in an attempt to put on an impartial mask, but these "debates" are often thin and lacking in any real attempt to find alternatives. You will never hear in a business class a discussion of the aspects of consumerism and marketing in our society. You will never hear a debate about business ethics, other than passing comments about Enron execs being "bad apples" or something of the sort. Furthermore, business eventually ends up shaping your political orientation through this whole mentality that big business = happiness. This, of course, is the only way to get people to sit at a desk all day and have no time for themselves.

This is the problem with the business world in general. It is very strong and well financed, and necessarily, those within it have to be indoctrinated in order to be "productive". I don't see how I will ever be able to function in a 9-5 business environment, and more than ever, I am glad I'm not specifically studying in this field. Are we destined to be drones for the rest of our lives? Do we need to constantly "modernize" our belongings every 6 months? Do we need such large houses, cars, televisions? I don't want to sound too Daoist, but I do believe we need to return to nature in one way or another. There's not enough time for personal fulfillment and evolution in these schedules that have been forced on us and the social order that surrounds it. We are born to help companies, which are supposed to help us, but we have so little time to take advantage of it.

Mysterious Holes

I can't quite understand what the purpose of those little holes embedded in most boxers/briefs is. Surely, it's theoretically so that you can stick out your penis for pissing, fucking, masturbation, whatever. In theory however, they seem less than practical. Boxers aren't too bad, for the most part, but boxer-briefs and briefs are completely useless. Just getting your wang through that hole must require you to be a contortionist of some kind. I figure most people actually never use these holes and prefer to go with the good old "over the top" method. Of course, there's probably some old guy out there who absolutely swears by the "'ol pokey" method.

My never told fetish

As I sit with my headphones blasting Supertramp's Breakfast in America, I come to notice that I have a carnival fetish. Ever since I've been a child, I was fascinated by the world of carnivales and I'd have to even admit that carnival music can make me dance in odd ways.

I was intrigued by the idea of moving carnivals. I loved the fact that they would travel and be self-sufficient. On top of that, I was fascinated by the idea of having a bunch of wierdos travel and bond together.

I always saw them as having specific abilities themselves; amazing gymnists, tall man, strong man, magicien, etc. I thought it could make for an amazing HBO show, movie, series and/or book.

The 1000 People

Have you ever gotten the feeling that there are only about 1000 human genetic mutations out there? As I was walking around school the other day, it finally hit me. I couldn't help noticing how many people that were walking around looked strangely familiar to other people I had seen before or know. Generally, they have strikingly similar facial features, body types, and fashion sense. As I walked around, I could almost swear that I saw 3 people that looked very similar.

To illustrate my point, here is a little graphical representation that I made when remembering an old conversation. I present to you John Heard, actor vs. Phil Schiller, VP of Apple vs. Alec Baldwin, actor. Am I the only one who is really fucking freaked out by this?

The good, the bad....teachers

This thought came to me when I was in my Ethics of travel class. We were forced to watch a movie on how tourism has affected different regions of the world. To name one: Hawaii. And a thought came to mind, it's the never-ending battle between the traditional world and the new world. The frustrating part is I wasn't allowed to discuss on this topic and my teacher made a huge deal of how different cultures were changing all around the world because of tourism.

Continuing with her stupid shit, she decided it would be exciting to have a role-playing activity where she would divide the class into groups and assign each student a job in a village where tourism is slowly taking over. The cunt actually bothered to change some of the job names to be more soothing to her taste: Fisherman-fisherperson, chairman-chairperson, etc...

This enraged me even more. My teacher is this old little English lady who's supposed to have travelled quite her share, and yet she still imposes on us her ridiculous policies. No cellphones, even if it's to tell time. She thought it clever to point out that a watch had that exact purpose.

Anyway, back on topic. This cunt pissed me the hell off. And it's difficult to keep your temper when you've got a class of 40 people who also have to be allowed to speak their minds and this teacher isn't allowing a single voice to be heard.

So, to be fair, taken from Carlin, here are some words I'd like to see changed:
Manhole - Personhole
Lady's man - Person Person
David Letterman - David Letterperson

Why should I be subjugated to her propaganda when it has nothing to do with the course itself? Not only that, but we have yet to discuss the actual reasons why men (*cough* persons) have this need to travel in them. We've gone through the generic list of reasons. I would like to actually figure out WHY!

No discussion of the nomad and sedentary person. No discussion of the conflict tourism creates on a globalisation scale. No discussion on the nationalism conflict either.

It's all very generic, boring, poorly thought out. I wish this stupid piss would fall over and die.

Walking with liquids is unnecessarily difficult

It seems to me that we never learn, or at least I don't. Every time I make myself coffee, I always have a ridiculously tough time walking from the machine to wherever I'm sitting. I can never properly balance the cup and walk at a decent pace without the coffee splashing out or teetering on the edge. All my attempts to try and turn my arm into a type of suspension system have failed miserably. Of course, there's the added problem that I always manage to overfill the cup as I don't anticipate how much volume the milk or cream will take. I end up looking like a 90 year old geezer as I attempt to walk across the room with my full attention focused on the contents of the cup.

Tea is another issue. For some reason, I often use a small saucer underneath my tea cup. I generally attempt to walk while only grasping the saucer, which ends up producing a ridiculous chattering noise with the cup jittering all over the place. Even worse, I often attempt to carry two cups when I can't even handle one. I admire waiters as I could never be one. I'm generally quite agile and yet I can't seem to find the dexterity required for this.

Of course, many people must have similar issues with liquids. We have not, however, figured out an effective way of dealing with this small problem. When you buy coffee at a coffee shop, they give you a lid of some sort. Yet, at home, we just end up looking like morons. This is why I figure in five years time, I will have invented a type of coffee stroller which will fix these issues. For those who find the weight of a coffee cup too hefty, a powered version could even be made available. Somehow it reminds me of those old fuckers who really want to play golf, but either decide to take an electric cart all the time so they can smoke oversized cigars as they drive around like they own the place, or they decide to walk it for the "exercise", and yet they buy these ridiculous powered pushcarts so these dipshits are remote controlling the thing from behind, as they smoke their oversized cigars, of course. Many middle class Sunday golfers have no doubt been impressed and envious of such devices.

Old guys are afraid of blowjobs

There was an article by Margaret Wente published yesterday in The Globe and Mail about teenagers and their increasing practice of oral sex at younger ages. Here is a letter to the editor that was published today concerning the piece:

"I'm enraged by Margaret Wente's assertion that oral sex is running rampant among teenagers. As a 1960 graduate of Richmond Hill High School, now defunct, I can say this kind of behaviour was unheard of in the 1950s.

What is even more provoking is the possiblity, however remote, that this was going on back then and I didn't hear about it."

So, let me get this straight. This old fucker decided to write in to the newspaper just to say that he hopes nobody was having oral sex "back in the day", because he certainly wasn't getting any blowjobs. Not only that, it was not, as he says, an "assertion". Wente was citing a recent study on the topic. Old religous conservatives like this should go back to their hermit holes. Sexuality is normal. We're goddamn apes, after all. But then again, I digress, he's just bitter because 'ol Vivienne in his 7th grade biology class never gave him a blowjob.

The world's decadence

The previous story shows us many different problems that happen more then once in society.

First of all, it shows complete dismissal of another human being. This is something that happens on average, more then a 100 times a day. Take Bill who goes to McDonalds, he waits in line, gets to the counter, gets his order, leaves. All the while forgetting that he has come into contact with the people in line, the janitor, the people in the restaurant, the cashiers, the cooks, the boss and the people in the parking lot. We make connections with so many people, yet dismiss more then 90% of them on a daily base.

Secondly, the complete apathy and lack of sympathy towards others. As the story mentions, nobody bothered to glance over, move their chairs, move their stuff or even guide him to a seat properly. Everyone just kept on looking forward. They're lucky you didn't decide to fucking knock and step on each and everything that was in the way, and smash the heads and backs of whomever didn't move to let you pass. How can such a system work? I'm an asshole, but you have to be nice cause I was here first? Lucky for them you were nicer then they were.

Lastly, it shows people's indifference towards themselves as well. As mentionned above, their stuff and health could have been at SERIOUS risk, but they arrogantly decided to take their chances.

These are the minds of the future? These arrogant pricks who won't even talk when addressed to? Especially when they are addressed in a polite matter? The future doesn't look too bright.

The Blame Game

Here's an interesting anecdote that happened to me today as I was walking into class a few minutes late. This specific classroom has about 250 people in it, and the gaps between rows are quite tight. So I quickly glance around the room looking for an empty seat. Upon finding one, I start squeezing my way down the row in order to get to the seat. Nobody is making a real effort to let me through. It just so happens that (and I didn't notice this), a girl on the row directly behind had this oversized binder hanging out a bit, and my waist caught it as I was walking by. Of course, she had to have the biggest sugar-filled chocolate-flavoured coffee right next to it, so as the binder did somewhat of a pivot on her desk, all I heard was the biggest gasp I've ever heard in my life. I turn around and notice that the coffee was spilling all over her, her notes, binder, bag, chair, floor, etc. Not quite knowing what to say, or if it was my fault, I just uttered "Oh........shit...", followed by my desperate attempt to not look like a complete ass: "err.....I'll go get some paper...". So I walk back from the bathroom with a half ton of brown paper and start mopping it up. She did the same, all the while not saying a single word to me. I said I was very sorry and all, yet she never said a word.

After it seemed adequately cleaned up, I sat down and started taking notes on the lecture which had started a good 10-15 mins previously. Glancing back, I noticed the girl was just kind of sitting there, not being able to take notes, looking kind of ridiculous.

At first I felt somewhat bad for the girl and partially responsible, but the more I began to think about it, the more I thought the situation was absolutely hilarious. I figure that, to begin with, having liquids in a tight classroom is a risk you're taking. Secondly, was it not her fault that her binder was sticking out that much, seeingly oblivious to the fact that I was passing by? My question is, even though it was an accident, is anyone specifically to blame?

Currently listening to: Gentle Giant - Cogs in Cogs

Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends...

Good day folks. This is our first attempt at a collective blog and should eventually feature all kinds of oddities and the like. Anything goes, and we intend on providing the daily recommended dosage of commentary, humor, writings, images, music, randomness, whatever. Enjoy.

Currently listening to: Emerson, Lake & Palmer - Karn Evil 9, 1st Impression, Part 2

Childbirth

The man said not to venture out of my cage, but I couldn't resist.

It appears my little frame could make it through the bars. I never thought the world outside my cage would have been so dark. The first character I met called himself Pancreas, he was an odd ball, and a smelly one too. Just icky! The bastard even tried to sell me a soul, what do I need a soul for?

I was able to have a nice sit on the spine after my poor legs started to hurt all over. The rope that would help me find my way back started to feel more like a problem, as I had tangled myself into it.

"What's the matter?" Said the intestines, "Don't like long things?" He laughed, and I looked at myself. I appear to have several long things all about me, fingers, toes, a penis, my cord, arms, legs, neck and nose. I'm so limited, I can only move certain parts of my body, I can only move to the extent my body parts allow me to. "What do I know? I'm nothing but a function after all!"

Evil intestines, rotten bastards! So long, extra smelly, and extra juicy if you ask me.